I miss you so much, honey. We had you for such a short time. It was a difficult time for us all, but mostly for you. You struggled so much just to live! You apparently wanted to stay with us for as long as you could, because you kept on fighting! Thank you for staying for so long. four and a half years is short for us, but for you it must have been such a struggle. You always had to work so hard just to breathe. The doctors and nurses at blank hospital worked so hard when you would come in for a stay. They see so much and fix so many little broken bodies. I salute them because I don't know how they continue for so many years. One of the nurses you had had already been working the nicu floor for over twenty years when we were there a couple of years ago. Your short life is a blur to us all. We were so busy working to make you comfortable and safe. Your big brother Hunter was such a good big brother too. He never became jealous of you, which would have been easy to do because your care took up so much time. He always kissed you so often. He knew from the start that there was something different about you, but he never let it bother him. He knew that other sisters did not look like you, but he loved you with a protective fierceness of a much older person. No one had better hurt you! He would be all over them in a heartbeat. He was so patient when you were in the hospital. He would play and rest and stay out of the way. He knew when to be quiet, which was often. You were our Joy and our pain rolled up into one, Ava. No one could love you more. No one could be heartbroken more. No one would ever be able to love you more than we did. I will always miss you. Thank you for staying as long as you did. I feel that your little heart might have just gotten tired and quit. Or perhaps your lungs filled up with that nasty old gunk like they always did. I am so glad you don't have that struggle anymore. I am so glad you are now happy and whole. I even imagine I can hear you giggling up there. No more pain. No more angst for us. No more fussing. I won't ever get over losing you, none of us will. Take care up there. Say hi to all the people in our family who have already gone up there. Keep watching over us, we will need you even more now that you are a real Angel! I love you and will never forget how special you are and how much you are truly loved by so many. None of us will ever forget you. Please don't forget to watch over us too. Don't go off having so much fun that you forget to look out for us. We know you won't. All of my Love, Dear Ava. Talk to you again soon! Grandma Kate
Hi Ava. How are things up in Heaven? I hope you are having a good time up there. You keep those Angels busy ok? I know you will. I have been thinking of you a lot since you left us. Even though we knew you would leave sooner than we wanted you to, we knew that it would be the best thing for you. I try not to be too selfish and wish you were back. I know that would not be the best thing for you or for all of us. We all worked hard taking care of you, just like you worked so very hard to stay with us for as long as you could. I remember the first day I heard that you were born. I had met your Mommy and Daddy outside the hospital at about 10:30 at night. I remember showing Hunter the bright and shiny full moon that night. It was a little bit cool for August, but the brisk air felt nice because it had been so hot in the daytime. Hunter thought the moon was so pretty! On the way home from leaving you, your Mom and Dad, I had to stop and get some milk at the Casey store. I happened to think that we did not have very much at our house because Grandpa Larry only buys 2 quarts at a time. For some reason, the store was still open. I think it was almost 11:00 by the time we got your brother in the car and buckled all in cozy. I remember getting the milk and thanking the clerk so much for letting me buy it. He was totaling the till, so I know that he was probably supposed to be closed. Thank goodness he let me in. Then we went on home to see Grandpa Larry. He was waiting anxiously for us to get there. Hunter was wide awake by then and he wanted to play. So, we played for a long time before he finally got tired and fell back to sleep. He had fallen asleep on the way to the hospital as it was past his bedtime. I think they had to wake you up, Hunter, so they could go to get Ava. Ava, you decided when you were ready to come out that there would be no waiting around. You came out in about 2 hours or so. You remember how hard it was for you to breath after you got here? The doctor and nurses had to hurry and get you some oxygen to help you breathe. When they went to put in some drops to help your eyes as they do in all births, the nurses found out that you did not have any eyes. They had not grown like they were supposed to. Then later in the morning your Mommy called us to tell us you were finally here. I was surprised that she called so soon. It had not been very long at all. That was the first gut feeling I had. My stomach was churning when she called. She came right out and told me on the phone that you did not have any eyes. I don't think that feeling ever went away. I still have it sometimes, even now. From then on, we all worked so hard to keep you with us. You worked the hardest. I can't believe that you are gone. It seems like you will just be there when we walk in your house. It was a shock that you left us so suddenly. It was probably the best way you could have done it. You just went. When your Mommy was singing at the funeral, I could feel you there. I felt you watching us. When the Priest told his story, I swear I could see you leave the coffin and go up and up through the roof, poof. It felt so real. I know you are not in pain any more. I also know that I have told this story many times since you left. You are home now. You don't hurt anymore. You are flying high with all of those other Angels. You are singing, dancing, running and just having the best giggles of all! Even though we will always miss you, we know you are finally happy. You are finally whole for the first time. We will always hurt. We will always miss you. We will never forget you. Thank you for coming to be with us for so long. I know it was difficult to stay. I love you Ava. You be good and have fun, okay? Goodnight sweet one. Grandma Kate LOVES you so much. I will cry a lot. It seems to help so much to let the pain out. Goodnight sweet girl. Sweet Angel Girl. Hugs Ava. Goodnight Moon!
