It has been 5 months since you left us. How the time has flown. So much has been going on. On your Birthday on August 3rd, your Mommy, Daddy, and Hunter all had a Birthday party for you, with a beautiful cake. I thought it was a nice idea, although we did not go to the party. We thought that time should be for your family alone together. It is the most difficult thing in the world losing a child. It makes people do strange, new things. I am not saying it is wrong, just saying it happens. Your Mom and Dad and Hunter have moved to an acreage. They could not stand the memories of the house in Manson without you there with them. Plus they said they have always wanted to live on an acreage. It is a lovely place with a lot of potential. I am a bit jealous. Okay, I admit it, I am a LOT jealous. I have always wanted to live on an acreage my entire life. When Grandpa Larry and I got married, we never even considered that option. How are you doing up there? I was so sad that our dear neighbor Veda has come to join you. She came to your funeral and I was so glad to have her there. It always surprised me when I would get up close to her how tiny she really was. She was short compared to me, and that rarely happens. I don't think I have even gotten over losing our other neighbor Betty. She has been gone a while now, just like Grandma Von. There are so many wonderful people who have been leaving us here on earth. Say hi to Geneva too, will you? She is a wonderful person and will be missed by so many. I had seen her not too many days before she died, walking up town for coffee. She was very healthy for her age, 94. Veda was 92 and Betty 78. Gosh I am gonna miss you all so much. I try not to think selfish thoughts about it, however. I know you are all having a blast! No more pain. No more struggle. Wonderful.
I still get sad sometimes. It is so difficult not seeing you, just looking at your pictures. Wow, do we ever have a LOT of pictures of you! I guess knowing that you would leave us any day made us take more photos than we might have otherwise.
Your Dad is learning a new job. He is probably in China by now. He was in South Korea first. Then he will come home this weekend after 2 weeks away. He still likes the job, which is great. I think your Mommy is restless in her job. They don't treat her very well. She works so many hours, that she is worn out.
As you probably know, your Mommy is going to have another baby in February. We are excited and happy and yet sad too, because it is so unfair that you are not able to be here with us. That you did not get to stay long. That you had to have so many problems. We hope that the new baby will be perfectly okay. Hunter and Grandpa think it will be a boy. I think your Mom kind of wants another girl, but will be happy with a healthy child. She has so much stress at her job, I hope that won't affect the new baby. Her next baby appointment, they will take another ultrasound. I think it is the 3rd one, where the baby almost looks like it could come right through the screen. I can't wait to see that one.
Anyway, Ava, that is all I have to say right now. I wish you were here to snuggle and hold. I remember often how cool your little arms and legs were. I remember how you peed right through your diaper on me once. It was okay, though. I know you had to go when you had to go. Nothing is wrong with that. I am hurting today thinking about you. I can't be selfish and wish you here, I know that. But, sometimes I do. I wish with all my heart that you could be here only be perfect. What were we supposed to learn from the entire thing, Ava? I swear I will never know the answer to that. Yes, I wish you were here. I always will.
Hugs n Kisses Ava
We all love you so much.
Grandma Kate
