Update to you, Ava

Hi Sweetie. Grandma Kate still misses you so much. I am very blessed though. I am so lucky to have SO many beautiful photos of you everywhere. We will never forget you, that is for sure. I will write more to you tomorrow. I am very tired tonight. I just wanted you to know how much I am missing you tonight. We had our Thanksgiving Day meal with Jessie and Chris and girls. Grandpa June was there too. He would/did really love you so much too. I think a bit of his Heart died when he found out there was something wrong with you. It happens when a child is born not perfect. It makes us take a look at Life in a new way. We understand a bit more how fragile Life can be. How it hangs in the Balance of things. We should have lost you on day one. You should not have even survived to be born. Mother Nature did not help you grow right. I guess it is unfair to blame Mother Nature. She had nothing to do with the genetics of our families. There was just something wrong with the way the things came together. I know one thing. You never could have been loved any more than you were. Everyone who met you fell in love with you wholeheartedly. I miss the feel of your soft curly hair. The girls have that same hair. Yours was a bit more red, but the curls were the same. We saved some of your hair, I am glad of that. I had forgotten that when I was a little girl, I had long curly hair too. Until my Mom cut it off and gave me a perm. I still have some curl to it when it dries at night, or I don't put conditioner on it. Your Aunt Jesse had very pretty curly hair when she was little too. Until I got it cut the first time. She still has curls when she sweats or is outside when it is raining. The boys in the family have curls galore too. Your Great Aunt Jean told me today that her Dad had really curly hair too. I remembered that too, when I thought about it. I so enjoyed the day at Chris and Jessie's today, as I always do. For some reason I am very comfortable there now. The feelings of having to be something I am not are gone now. I did not worry about any of that at all this time, nor the last time we went, for Ashton's Birthday. Maybe that is part of my healing. The start of my getting well. Knowing you, sweet one, taught me that most things are just not all that important when it comes down to it.

More later: Goodnight Moon little one.